5:40 pm - Jack has recently woken from a nap. He had a busy day. He missed his regular nap because we toured Autism Matters. We got home around 3:30 and Jack took a nap then. when he woke up - it seemed like things would be a struggle. We wanted to eat dinner because Nora had tickets to Pippi Longstocking at Children's Theater. I made dinner. Set out a special dinner for Jack. He wasn't happy he wanted to watch tv (I think).
I bring Jack to the table, he screams and cries. I am not sure what to do. I don't want to turn the tv on and give into his behvior. Jack's screams and cries become worse.I am not sure what to do. Maybe he wants to sit on my lap? I want Jack to eat dinner, to learn his social graces... I don't want him to be so dependent on me. He is crying, at my side, begging me for help. I don't understand him. I don't want to reinforce bad behavior. It is so hard. Our mealtime is terrible. It has been 20 minutes. Paul takes Jack upstairs. Jack becomes more frantic. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to comfort my child or ignore him? The tantrum lasts 25 minutes. Finally I take Jack from Paul. I rock him in his room, using the rocking chair and a weighted blanket and we listen to comforting music. Jack is quiet. The tantrum is over. I can sense he is scared. I am scared. What calmed Jack? Was it me? Am I the only one who can help Jack? I want so desperately for him to be independent. What am I supposed to be doing? I am haunted. There is no peace.
Paul takes Nora to Children's Theater. I write, I write this blog. It gives me peace. I will need to read my story... I will have to track Jack's food, his sleep, his behavior, his tantrusm, his progress, his regression...
I will use this blog to learn about Jack... and maybe to learn about myself. Jack needs help, Nora will need help, Paul and I need help. There is much to do.
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